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Aug. 4th, 2011

I Thought You Were My Brother</3

We use to be so close.
We got along like there was no other friendship as close as us in the entire world.
You were always there when you needed to be.
You always knew how to make me laugh an to stop my tears from falling.
I remember all the times you helped me get back on my feet, even when it was taken to the point were you picked me up an spun me around.
That special hug when we never let go of each other we could tell something was wrong with the other.
Never letting go, or loosing contact with each other.
You would be there for me as I was there for you..
Even when I was young and you got me so mad, I was maybe 7 or 8 so I hid under my bed...you called out for me an brought me back to your house just so I wouldn’t be mad or upset with you.
You helped me whenever I needed it but it really never was that big of a deal.
But now every night I cry from never seeing you, talking to you, or even when I do its never an honest deep conversation with just each other, just full of apathy, lies, confusion, and excuses.
I cry even more from knowing that the one time I really deeply honestly needed you an you were no where to be found, but not for only hours but days an yet I still didn’t see or hear from you..
The lack of communication and even trust has evaporated from are relationship.
Its like your not even my brother anymore.
I try to forget, but its always brought back to my mind.
We use to not see each other for months at a time, but are relationship was still the same.
But now I see you an its like your not even in the room,
the truth you have locked away inside for no one to know...
You need to let it out an cry as I am while I’m writing this.
The brother I once knew has disappeared an left without anything, or any sign for help.
Who are you, cause your not my brother anymore...


Jun. 6th, 2011

So here I am, I'm trying. So here I am, are you ready?

There are just those songs that you sit down and listen to that make your mind go crazy.
Sitting there having one ear piece in my ear and the other piece in yours,
a certain song comes on when i just want
Your arms around me, never letting go, so I know I am safe.
For the longest time I have been keeping myself away,
putting on a deceiving facial expression,
lying not only to myself but the one i truly love.
I try to exclude myself from my friends thinking,
it's better for them, for me, for everything.
Knowing I can sit inside, hiding, and living away from the outside world.
It makes me feel relaxed and protected from my emotional dangers or ever getting hurt again.
But you showed me that life is more than that.
Trying to just live and not look forward to anything.
When I finally feel that comfort i have been longing for,
One day when I finally build up the confidence...
I want you to know that i shall tel you everything i need to let out
I will be ready to sit there beside you to tell you my story,
cry and to feel that for once everything is going to be alright.

It will be worth it

(1) Its so quiet?
-Silence is key
(2) I can finally hear nothing?
-I call it peace at last
(3) How do i know something is worth it?
-When i finally see you it really is 110%
(4) Truth is?
-This is the real deal
(5) I know what I'm getting myself into?
-It will be worth it.
(6) I'm sorry to a few people....
-I'm going to be doing something for myself for once and if you don't like it i don't want to have to be evolved with you anymore, i want to be happy

I mean this FOREVER

 If I want you off my mind, you are always there

If I want you to leave me alone, you're there until the problem is solved

I look at a picture of myself, all I see is you in my eyes

We fight for one night, the next day I cant get through a day without your arms around me

I hear a song that reminds me of you, I smile no matter how much I'm crying

No matter how much I think I don't want you, I want you even more

No matter what happens, I know you will be by my side forever

My Insides

Dear life,
I love you sometimes,
But a lot of the time you screw me over.
Always regretting something in my past,
Only wishing for a start that could be life changing,
A switch to go back to a certain point.
Yet, you finally give me a ticket to get out.
I don't even know if i should take it.
Maybe I'm to afraid?
Afraid I'm loosing something or someone i don't even have?
Afraid of loosing the ones that were never there?
Afraid of loosing the ones i will never forget?
Or am i making a huge deal out of nothing?
-So many questions with no answer...
Life, you have brought me great joys
But I'm down to two path
If I leave? If I stay?
I have the patience to keep up with you
Do you have the strength....
Do I have the strength to stay with you?
I've almost left you once and look how far i've gotten from staying with you.
I just hope things just start to get straightened out between us.

Me, myself, and I

Feb. 10th, 2011


Suicide is a painful game.... I've been at the edge of winning... The feeling of release from the feeling when the blades cross my skin, the pressure lifted away as i can see the blood pouring out an dripping down. It truly is a stupid game that is simple to win but the only best part is the climax...
Suicide is a game..you only truly know it by how good you feel when you know  the end is coming.....
But its truly ridiculous when you look back to it all an think how stupid it really is...
People should learn to look for the better things in life other than the looking at the downs in the past.

Do not pretend to be something your not... Calling out for attention by threatening to kill yourself just makes you childish.
-A lot of people have the real feeling... Unlike others who have no idea and lie to expressing truly nothing, cause all they really want is attention.